Ask Uncle Barbie
Vol. 17 Issue 19

ONE DUMB ASS!
 Hello Uncle Barbie!,
I think all people on welfare should be cut off immediately! If they can’t work or make it on their own, then too bad. It’s survival of the fittest. Just like in the wilderness, if an animal is too sick or weak to survive, then they die. That’s how the gene pool stays strong and healthy. I am sick of my tax dollars paying for those lazy welfare recipients who just don’t want to work. I think that Social Security should be abolished! People should save their own money for retirement. And, if your money runs out, it’s your own damn fault for not saving enough.
Signed, Richard
 
Hello Rich,
Well, well, well, Richard--mind if I call you DICK?! (This is, yet, another letter in which the writer forgets to ask me a question.) Have you ever thought of asking questions before making conclusions? Or, maybe, you think you already know all the answers. It seems that you are a selective elitist, DICK. You appear to have a lot of admiration for the rich and nothing but spitefulness for the poor. Let me correct you on a little common misnomer, DICK; It’s not survival of the “fittest;” it’s survival of the “fit.” You make it sound like only one life form can survive. According to the natural laws of biology, any organism that can adapt to the surrounding environment is capable of surviving. The survival rate of an animal in the wilderness is not a case of being the fittest one. Any creature that is reasonably fit can survive. It’s not like the Olympic Games where only one wins the gold metal. (You really need to get over this elitist attitude of yours, DICK--it’s most unbecoming.)

  Do you really think that we should treat each other like the wild animals competing for scarce resources? I have a hard time imagining even you turning your back on your own parents or grandparents when their retirement money runs out and there’s no “welfare” money to be had anymore. What are you going to say to them? “Well folks, this is the law of the wild; you didn’t save enough when you were raising me--now die!” I think I speak for low income people everywhere when I say, “You can kiss my poor ass, DICK!”
Kisses, Barbie

“GOD BLESS US” DOESN’T MEAN GOD DAMN EVERYONE ELSE!
Dear Uncle Barbie,
I'm writing to let you know how much I enjoy your column. I'm a straight, Christian woman, and I am saddened every time a fellow Christian chooses hate instead of love. It's sad that people are so willing to say negative things and keep their positive thoughts to themselves. You give wonderful advice with a wit and a bit of sass, which is helpful and entertaining. Keep up the good work and have a great day!
Signed, Happy Thoughts
 
Hello Gaily Thinking,
Thank you ever so much for your support. I know a lot of loving Christians; however, there are a lot of hateful ones, too. To be fair, I guess the same thing could be said about any religious community. There are always a few bad apples in every bushel. I really do try my best to stay positive and look at the bright side of life. And, I want to thank you for having a bright soul. Let your little light shine, honey.
Keep Sparkling, Barbie

Issue 18
SQUEAL OR NO SQUEAL?

 
Dear Uncle Barbie,
First, let me say that I love your column!! I understand it is for entertainment purposes only, but I don't know who else to turn to for advise. My best friend and I recently ended a two year friendship with our friend "whatsername," her two younger children, and her boyfriend. After knowing them for a few months, we discovered her boyfriend has a addiction to meth, which she has excepted as a way of life.

He uses meth regularly with the kids in the house, deals it out of the house, and has his addict-friends hanging out there around her and the kids. The only reason the relationship has lasted this long is because of her and the kids. The past few years has been nothing but threats from him when he goes on his binges even though we have been there for them. In the last 6 months, he has admitted to stealing items from people’s yards and helping people steal wiring from construction sites.
  I really want to do something about this. I have thought of going to social services and talking to the police about this situation. Is this a wise thing to do? She doesn't use drugs, and all her other friends just ignore the fact of what is really going on. And I feel I just can't sit here and do nothing. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

Signed, Concerned Friend
 
Hello Friend,

Do what is in the best interest of the children. I think you are on the right track by thinking about going to the police and social services. I recommend talking to the police anonymously. You can do this by calling the police station from a pay phone. You do not need to give them any names if you don’t want to. Just get their advice at first. Then, later, you can decide what to do. You can do the same thing with the social service agency. You are right; something needs to be done. If the mother allows the boyfriend to use drugs in front of the children, then she is enabling the destructive behavior, and if her children are in any way hurt, she could be prosecuted for “failure to protect.” I cannot understand why she would stay with someone who is so dysfunctional and emotionally abusive. I can only assume that she is codependent on him for some unhealthy reason.

I’m shocked to read in your letter that “…all her other friends just ignore the fact of what is really going on.” This sounds like a typical case of pretending you don’t see the “elephant” in the living room. (In case you are not familiar with that concept, it is a metaphor often used in drug and alcohol treatment centers. The elephant symbolized a big problem that everyone tiptoes around and ignores.) If I were you, I would go ahead and do what you need to do to legally protect the children. I will also add this…prepare yourself for the anger that the mother may vent towards you for intervening. You very well may lose that friendship. If so, let it go. She needs to face reality, and you need to find more functional friends.

Your Advice Dealer, Barbie